She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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