all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
