If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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