I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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