I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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