every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
