Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize