I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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