If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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