I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
