I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
