Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
