Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
