he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
