this just has baby written all over it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
