Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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