Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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