he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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