is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
