I didn't shave. On purpose
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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