I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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