and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
