Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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