It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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