its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
