threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
