fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
