So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just googled if crying burns calories
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
