True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
