Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
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She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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