So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
