I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
