Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
