I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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