You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
