I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
