Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
