I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
