Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
