i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
