i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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