He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
