I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
