i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
