So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize