u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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