Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
