Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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