I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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