areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
