I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
