no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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