I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
