jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
