woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sobbing to NWA
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
