We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
