I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
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Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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