I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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