Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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