Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
