Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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