If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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