I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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