Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
